Hyundai Drivers are the Worst People on Earth

Welcome.

I am Sam and, like tea, strange things happen when you put me in a cup with boiling water. I turn a concerning shade of red all while releasing my delightful essence into the surrounding medium. Have a cup, stay a while, and let me show you around.

Like any good egotist, I am starting a blog so I can write about my favorite subject: myself and how awesome and good I am at everything. I am a reasonably intelligent person and thus you should treat my words as prophetic and profound. Moreover, I am unfathomably witty and you should be laughing at every word I write, while simultaneously nodding along to the Truth to which I have divined, wrangled, and presented to you in a digestible form. I am always ironic and yet ever sincere.

Aside from being handsome, charming, and generally a pleasure, I also have a wealth of insightful things to say on a variety of subjects. If you are wondering what your opinion should be on the geopolitical climate of the middle-east, the newest blockbuster staring Dwayne "the Rock" Johnson, theories on what possesses Hyundai drivers to commit such great evils (e.g., tailgating me), or just how to live your life to the fullest? Then, look no further!

You roll your eyes at this buffoon, whom you note as a veritable walking talking baboon, and absentmindedly take a sip from your teacup. 

It is the worst thing you have ever tasted.

Hey, looks like you're distracted! You're here for me! Remember? Anyways, whenever I watch a movie I go straight to Letterboxd so I can inform my loyal fans of my esteemed opinion. Then, I consult Reddit to make sure everyone agrees with me. Then, I'll go for a scroll on... 

You start to feel funny. The bravado slips away and an air of insecurity flows through you. 

It's just us now. 

What does Sam Tea taste like? 

I'm not sure myself, nor am I sure of myself. 

For as long as I can remember, my self-perception has been clouded. I am mired in an irony that precludes the existence of my real self. I fear sincerity and yet I yearn for nothing else more. 

I'm scared. 

I'm scared of dying without knowing what I loved most about living. 

So, if you'll tolerate me, embark with me upon this journey of self-discovery. I can't say it will lead anywhere interesting, but it will have been Sam.

You rocket back to the surface, to unreality.

I know, I know; you're already foaming at the mouth to start reading this cache of my closest thoughts, deepest secrets, and mightiest revelations. So do your best Hyundai driver impression, unbuckle, and prepare to be launched through your windshield at 100 mph. You're sipping Sam Tea.